Happy Festivus, one and all. Bust out your aluminum poles and get ready for the airing of the grievances. Remember - it's not over until someone gets pinned.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Festivus
Friday, December 23, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Time Magazine's Best Photos of the Year
(Apologies to Toph re: ubiquitous "Best of..." year-end lists)
There are some amazing captures here:
http://www.time.com/time/yip/2005/
Powerful stuff.
There are some amazing captures here:
http://www.time.com/time/yip/2005/
Powerful stuff.
Nina Simone and I
Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin’ on by you know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don’t you know
Butterflies all havin’ fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done, that’s what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin’ on by you know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don’t you know
Butterflies all havin’ fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done, that’s what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
XY v. XX
First, I wanted to rip out someone's spine.
I think I'll settle for a nice cup of tea instead.
http://seikku.iki.fi/seikku/EnglishPaper.html
I think I'll settle for a nice cup of tea instead.
http://seikku.iki.fi/seikku/EnglishPaper.html
Bail, damn you - BAIL!!
The Liberal Party is taking on water, folks. Do mine ears detect the strains of an orchestra playing over the panicked shrieks of Martinites across the country? I do love a good waltz.
It's time for the Party (or what'll be left of it, once it's done imploding) to start shopping for a new Leader. The wheat needs to be separated from the chaff.
Personally, I think we should do a little recruiting south of the border: http://www.wonkette.com/politics/butterstick/index.php
Awww. Look at that little guy. We could scarce go wrong with the 'Stick at the helm. C'mon, USA...how can you say no to your sweet little retarded cousin?
It's Christmas, for chrissake.
It's time for the Party (or what'll be left of it, once it's done imploding) to start shopping for a new Leader. The wheat needs to be separated from the chaff.
Personally, I think we should do a little recruiting south of the border: http://www.wonkette.com/politics/butterstick/index.php
Awww. Look at that little guy. We could scarce go wrong with the 'Stick at the helm. C'mon, USA...how can you say no to your sweet little retarded cousin?
It's Christmas, for chrissake.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Blame Canada
Perhaps it would be uncharitable of me to blame Paul Martin for the scorn being heaped upon our fair nation (see below) - all Republican jackassery aside, we've been experiencing some branding issues since, um, forever - but I'm gonna. 'Cause it's fun.
Nice work, Sir.
(Are the crazy, flailing arms and banal rhetoric working? How about now?)
Nice work, Sir.
(Are the crazy, flailing arms and banal rhetoric working? How about now?)
Cousin Corky
News flash - Canada is "retarded":
Last week, MSNBC host Tucker Carlson, a well-known conservative pundit, let loose with a string of anti-Canada rants.
"Anybody with any ambition at all, or intelligence, has left Canada and is now living in New York," he said.
"Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada."
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2005/12/19/1360167-cp.html
I love this. If ever we question how we are perceived on the world stage - and let's not kid ourselves, the USA owns that shit - this would be about right. It's kind of endearing, no?
All warm fuzzies aside, I'm pretty sure that the US would have no problem beating on the sweet little retarded cousin if said relation was witholding oil rights.
Just sayin'.
Last week, MSNBC host Tucker Carlson, a well-known conservative pundit, let loose with a string of anti-Canada rants.
"Anybody with any ambition at all, or intelligence, has left Canada and is now living in New York," he said.
"Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada."
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2005/12/19/1360167-cp.html
I love this. If ever we question how we are perceived on the world stage - and let's not kid ourselves, the USA owns that shit - this would be about right. It's kind of endearing, no?
All warm fuzzies aside, I'm pretty sure that the US would have no problem beating on the sweet little retarded cousin if said relation was witholding oil rights.
Just sayin'.
Monday, December 19, 2005
The English debate: Still not impressed.
The word "debate" can be simply defined as engaging in argument by discussing opposing points. I think the braintrust at the CBC should consider that definition when preparing for the next federal election.
There was no discussion undertaken during the English debate, much like la version française. Instead, viewers were treated to the anglo remix of the yawn-inducing stump speeches and cheesy one-liners ("This is MY country!", à la Paul Martin) that we heard in French. Here's my take on the performances:
Paul Martin did marginally (and I use that word very, very generously) better in English than he did in French. He landed a couple of semi-solid punches on the same sex marriage and unity issues, the topics to which he brings the most credibility (again, my generosity shines through) these days. He missed the boat completely on the all-important immigration issue, a huge, traditionally Liberal slice of the Canadian electorate that may very well be looking elsewhere come Election Day. All other candidates scored points there, leaving Junior dithering in their collective dust. Ever a student of the "float like a butterfly" school of public speaking, his constant arm flapping and Dubya-esque gesticulations were hugely distracting and detracted considerably from whatever pitiful point he was desperately trying to communicate. Stop your flailing and stammering, Mr. Prime Minister. It makes you look and sound like you don't know what you're talking about.
Stephen Harper did well - a much stronger/more believable performance than the "it's-horrifying-but-I-can't-seem-to-look-away" train wreck that was his French offering. He comported himself well, with much more of a Prime Ministerial air than Paulie. He needs to shake off that greasy little smirk of his, though. It's shady. Policy-wise, he's flogging fiscal responsibility like a rented mule on the 4th of July long weekend. This has to be resonating well with Canadians when weighed against Team Martin's drunken orgy of Liberal spending. The cuts to the GST thing is also working well for him, particularly in concert with Layton's "big corporate tax grab" schtick. Still, I'd like to see a more substantive fleshing out of his policies so that Joe Canada (i.e. me) understands them. Generally speaking, Mr. Harper was on message. He tore Martin apart in terms of presence at the podium.
Jack Layton. Again, he did very well. Still a bit "Have I got a deal for you!!", but his message is consistant. Lines like "Liberal failure" and "Liberal scandal" are what's going to keep the NDP warm and comfy over Christmas while voters take a break from politics. The Dippers are locked and loaded, my friends. Jack is a Kingmaker - he won't be sleeping at 24 Sussex, but the NDP will continue to be a major player in the next government.
What can I say about Gilles Duceppe that I haven't already said? I like him. I won't be voting Bloc, but I like him. He did very well in English - a few minor linguistic slip-ups, but nothing Lost in Translation. Certainly much more impressive than the English candidates' performances in French. Duceppe was bang-on message all night - scandal, scandal, scandal. He and Layton play well off each other and it's fun to watch. The Bloc is going to do scarily well, thanks to Monsieur Duceppe's continually solid performance.
To borrow a line from Cher, it was a night of gypsies, tramps and theives. I stubbornly look forward to the next round of "debates", although if this round was any indication of things to come, I may be left with an even worse taste in my mouth. Wait a second...maybe it was the greasy mound of McFood I inhaled in .03 seconds before the curtains went up...
There was no discussion undertaken during the English debate, much like la version française. Instead, viewers were treated to the anglo remix of the yawn-inducing stump speeches and cheesy one-liners ("This is MY country!", à la Paul Martin) that we heard in French. Here's my take on the performances:
Paul Martin did marginally (and I use that word very, very generously) better in English than he did in French. He landed a couple of semi-solid punches on the same sex marriage and unity issues, the topics to which he brings the most credibility (again, my generosity shines through) these days. He missed the boat completely on the all-important immigration issue, a huge, traditionally Liberal slice of the Canadian electorate that may very well be looking elsewhere come Election Day. All other candidates scored points there, leaving Junior dithering in their collective dust. Ever a student of the "float like a butterfly" school of public speaking, his constant arm flapping and Dubya-esque gesticulations were hugely distracting and detracted considerably from whatever pitiful point he was desperately trying to communicate. Stop your flailing and stammering, Mr. Prime Minister. It makes you look and sound like you don't know what you're talking about.
Stephen Harper did well - a much stronger/more believable performance than the "it's-horrifying-but-I-can't-seem-to-look-away" train wreck that was his French offering. He comported himself well, with much more of a Prime Ministerial air than Paulie. He needs to shake off that greasy little smirk of his, though. It's shady. Policy-wise, he's flogging fiscal responsibility like a rented mule on the 4th of July long weekend. This has to be resonating well with Canadians when weighed against Team Martin's drunken orgy of Liberal spending. The cuts to the GST thing is also working well for him, particularly in concert with Layton's "big corporate tax grab" schtick. Still, I'd like to see a more substantive fleshing out of his policies so that Joe Canada (i.e. me) understands them. Generally speaking, Mr. Harper was on message. He tore Martin apart in terms of presence at the podium.
Jack Layton. Again, he did very well. Still a bit "Have I got a deal for you!!", but his message is consistant. Lines like "Liberal failure" and "Liberal scandal" are what's going to keep the NDP warm and comfy over Christmas while voters take a break from politics. The Dippers are locked and loaded, my friends. Jack is a Kingmaker - he won't be sleeping at 24 Sussex, but the NDP will continue to be a major player in the next government.
What can I say about Gilles Duceppe that I haven't already said? I like him. I won't be voting Bloc, but I like him. He did very well in English - a few minor linguistic slip-ups, but nothing Lost in Translation. Certainly much more impressive than the English candidates' performances in French. Duceppe was bang-on message all night - scandal, scandal, scandal. He and Layton play well off each other and it's fun to watch. The Bloc is going to do scarily well, thanks to Monsieur Duceppe's continually solid performance.
To borrow a line from Cher, it was a night of gypsies, tramps and theives. I stubbornly look forward to the next round of "debates", although if this round was any indication of things to come, I may be left with an even worse taste in my mouth. Wait a second...maybe it was the greasy mound of McFood I inhaled in .03 seconds before the curtains went up...
Friday, December 16, 2005
My, but the French debate sucked.
Martin has never looked like more of a buffoon. No style and even less substance. God, how I loathe that man and everything he stands for. It embarrasses me that he is my Prime Minister. It was like Clown School Outtakes. Far too much gesticulating, bobbing and weaving; I was nearly motion sick several times during his vapid, near-unintelligible responses. Suggestion to The Board: Do yourselves a huge favour and sign Paulie up for Public Speaking 101. Get Scott Reid in there, too...it can only help at this point.
Harper's French sucked hind tit. It was literally cringe-inducing. There was nothing even vaguely endearing about his lacklustre, uninspired performance. "Limp" and "tired" are words that spring to mind (all sympathy to Mrs. Harper). Stephen had better bring his A game tonight. It's his to win or lose...and there's a lot of campaign left, my friends.
Duceppe was, as per usual, suave, confident and on message. That's what happens when you surround yourself with competent, experienced staffers. I'm not a separatist, but I've always appreciated Duceppe for what he is - a very, very good politician, and a statesman. He'll do well tonight also, as his English is much better the other candidates' French. Duceppe has Quebec sewn up. There is NO room at that inn.
Layton scored points last night. His French started off shaky, but firmed up nicely toward the middle. The bleeding heart social justice angle plays very well in Quebec; he'll get some traction there. Perhaps a shade too car salesman-like, but generally on message (The message? That Martin is a smarmy, arrogant, patronizing crook, of course!). People like Jack. It's kind of hard not to, when presented with the alternatives. Keep doing what you're doing, Jacky m'boy...
I will watch the English debate tonight in what is likely the vain hope that there will be a little more verve/passion/politics involved. Hmmm...I know I've got a giant bag of salt lying around somewhere...
Harper's French sucked hind tit. It was literally cringe-inducing. There was nothing even vaguely endearing about his lacklustre, uninspired performance. "Limp" and "tired" are words that spring to mind (all sympathy to Mrs. Harper). Stephen had better bring his A game tonight. It's his to win or lose...and there's a lot of campaign left, my friends.
Duceppe was, as per usual, suave, confident and on message. That's what happens when you surround yourself with competent, experienced staffers. I'm not a separatist, but I've always appreciated Duceppe for what he is - a very, very good politician, and a statesman. He'll do well tonight also, as his English is much better the other candidates' French. Duceppe has Quebec sewn up. There is NO room at that inn.
Layton scored points last night. His French started off shaky, but firmed up nicely toward the middle. The bleeding heart social justice angle plays very well in Quebec; he'll get some traction there. Perhaps a shade too car salesman-like, but generally on message (The message? That Martin is a smarmy, arrogant, patronizing crook, of course!). People like Jack. It's kind of hard not to, when presented with the alternatives. Keep doing what you're doing, Jacky m'boy...
I will watch the English debate tonight in what is likely the vain hope that there will be a little more verve/passion/politics involved. Hmmm...I know I've got a giant bag of salt lying around somewhere...
Snow day chaos
As I write, most of my coworkers are jammed up against the windows watching chaos unfold below. It's a snowy day - not an uncommon phenomenon in the winter - and the roads are crap. There is a grand total of 6 OC Transpo articulated buses jacknifed in the intersection in front of my work complex. I was on one of those buses. I got out and walked the rest of the way. What is it about the first really snowy day that makes people forget about how it is between the months of December and March? Why do people walk around exclaiming "Golly gee, it's bad out. Why is it so hard to get around?" Duh. It's freakin' winter, folks. It happens EVERY YEAR, without fail. Get yourselves some decent snow tires and get in the game. What is currently transpiring beyond my office window does not improve my outlook on the fate of mankind. We are dodos. Doomed to extinction by mass stupidity.
Oooh. Pizza lunch today.
Oooh. Pizza lunch today.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Debrief - Office Xmas Party 2005
I know that The Best Friend will shake his head in disappointment over the sentiments I am about to express re. office Christmas party, but I feel that I must, lest my payload of bitterness poison me slowly from within.
Venue: Casino Lac Leamy.
Much ado is made about this establishment - once again, I fail to see why. Perhaps I lack the gene that would enable me to appreciate The Casino. I prefer to think that I've evolved to the point where I (unlike some of my coworkers) can see The Casino for what it is: a lame-ass cover of other, cooler casinos. It's the dumbed down, No-Name version of a better casino. It's small. It's hokey. It's in Hull (I mean GATINEAU), fa chrissakes! If the Casino Lac Leamy were likened to canned goods, it would be in the Reduced for Clearance bin at your local discount foodmart. It would be dented and missing its label. It would be flakes of ham or potted meat and it would be tainted with a virulent strain of botulism. That's all I have to say about that.
Food/Drink:
Buffet/not enough. The buffet was overpriced (yes, we had to pay for our own food - God bless us, everyone) compared to the quality and quantity on offer. That, and it closed 1/2 hour after our party arrived. Between hasty mouthfuls of muculent meatballs and pallid paella (yay, alliteration!), I swilled as many gin and tonics as humanly possible. Despite my best efforts, it wasn't enough.
Activities:
"Fun hat exchange" and gambling.
Oh. Dear. Jesus.
People:
Numbers never lie. There are 60+ souls in my Branch. 30 or less made the trek to the much-vaunted Casino. I carpooled with a fun bunch from my section - it was the company that made the whole affair palatable.
Soooooo...clearly another coup for Old Man Christmas. Big ups to the Social Committee for their stellar party planning skills and to Senior Management for having the balls to make us pay for everything. You couldn't be more money if you tried.
Venue: Casino Lac Leamy.
Much ado is made about this establishment - once again, I fail to see why. Perhaps I lack the gene that would enable me to appreciate The Casino. I prefer to think that I've evolved to the point where I (unlike some of my coworkers) can see The Casino for what it is: a lame-ass cover of other, cooler casinos. It's the dumbed down, No-Name version of a better casino. It's small. It's hokey. It's in Hull (I mean GATINEAU), fa chrissakes! If the Casino Lac Leamy were likened to canned goods, it would be in the Reduced for Clearance bin at your local discount foodmart. It would be dented and missing its label. It would be flakes of ham or potted meat and it would be tainted with a virulent strain of botulism. That's all I have to say about that.
Food/Drink:
Buffet/not enough. The buffet was overpriced (yes, we had to pay for our own food - God bless us, everyone) compared to the quality and quantity on offer. That, and it closed 1/2 hour after our party arrived. Between hasty mouthfuls of muculent meatballs and pallid paella (yay, alliteration!), I swilled as many gin and tonics as humanly possible. Despite my best efforts, it wasn't enough.
Activities:
"Fun hat exchange" and gambling.
Oh. Dear. Jesus.
People:
Numbers never lie. There are 60+ souls in my Branch. 30 or less made the trek to the much-vaunted Casino. I carpooled with a fun bunch from my section - it was the company that made the whole affair palatable.
Soooooo...clearly another coup for Old Man Christmas. Big ups to the Social Committee for their stellar party planning skills and to Senior Management for having the balls to make us pay for everything. You couldn't be more money if you tried.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
'Tish the sheashon....
The office is heading off to a local casino for our staff Christmas party. I heard the words "buffet lunch" uttered by a colleague... good times. Many cocktails will be consumed, and, if I have anything to say about it, there will be some inappropriate touching by the end of the day.
Drunken debauchery + employer-subsidized buffet = yes please
Details tomorrow. Once I've finished vomiting.
Drunken debauchery + employer-subsidized buffet = yes please
Details tomorrow. Once I've finished vomiting.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Is this thing on?
From The Best Friend, over gulps of spicy-sweet shiraz and hot gay porn: "You should blog. It looks great on a c.v."
From The Office Smartarse: "You can make money for doing basically nothing. My Google AdSense profits are paying for my new barbeque."
This is my blog. Welcome to the jungle, suckas.
From The Office Smartarse: "You can make money for doing basically nothing. My Google AdSense profits are paying for my new barbeque."
This is my blog. Welcome to the jungle, suckas.
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